December 12, 2019 100

The New Alphabet Song & Kanye’s Porn Addiction (feat. Kevin Nealon) – Lights Out with David Spade

The New Alphabet Song & Kanye’s Porn Addiction (feat. Kevin Nealon) – Lights Out with David Spade


Uh, the next story
is bordering on political, so we, uh,
we have to discuss this issue. WOMAN:
♪ A, B, C, D ♪ ♪ E, F, G ♪ SPADE:
Stay close. -♪ H, I, J, K ♪
-Here’s where… Watch. ♪ L, M, N ♪ -No. Whoa. Whoa.
-♪ O, P, Q, R ♪ -♪ S, T, U ♪
-Not cool. -♪ U, V ♪
-Enough. Enough. ♪ X, Y, Z… ♪ I hate it. I hate it.
They’re trying to cram this new version of
the “ABC Song” down our throats. It’s a catchy tune,
you got to admit. -(laughter) -No, it’s not.
-That new one is? They don’t need to update this. They need to, uh, make a song
for the “LBGQC Song.” -Is that a new song? -Well,
they need to make one for that, -so I know the order.
-(laughter) -Okay.
-I know this order. Here’s my problem with it, Liza. -What?
-It takes forever. -I got places to go. You know?
-(laughter) You can’t…
there’s no beat after “N.” I’m in the car by then. I feel they’re getting artsy now that Sesame Street’s
gone to HBO, you know? Next… next Cookie Monster
will be doing coke -off Zendaya’s tits, you know?
-(laughter) NEALON: You know…
you know how you, uh… -(applause)
-I’m in. Well, I don’t like it.
It’s like when I, uh… saw REM, and they didn’t sing it
like they did on my iPod. -(laughter)
-You know what I mean? Like, I don’t want to hear
the reggae version of your song. I don’t want any acoustic shit. Give it like I know it
exactly in my head. so I can sing along. ‘Cause this one is,
like, the rough version they sing on your birthday
when it’s not exactly right. You’re at a Mexican restaurant,
and they’re like, “Happy, happy, happy…”
I’m like, “You can sing
‘Happy Birthday’ here. -No one’s ratting you out,
you know?” -(laughter) Yeah, like, if you go
to see them in concert, -this alphabet group…
-Yeah. -(laughter) you don’t want the new version. -you want the old version.
-No, I want the old… ‘Cause I was… I was golfing.
You got a minute? -(laughter)
-I was, um… This is true. I was golfing
with, uh, the road manager from REO Speedwagon and Journey. -TREYGER: Name-drop.
-SPADE: Are they alive? No, no, I’m not
gonna tell you his name. (laughter) And I go to the guy, I said, “Uh, do these bands
ever come up with new songs?” He goes,
“We don’t encourage it.” (laughter) People don’t want
to hear the new songs. DELRAY:
I call those piss tracks. When you’re at the concert,
you can go take a piss. -You need ’em. -NEALON: Yeah.
You’re right, you’re right. -SPADE: You need a breather.
-Piss tracks. Well, Kanye West
has a lot going on. And, uh, he’s got a new movie,
uh, he’s got a new album. And he admitted to being
addicted to porn since he was five and that’s
he one we’re gonna talk about. (laughter) -I’m actually addicted
to porn also. -Oh. Yeah. We have a lot in common. We’re both from Chicago,
addicted to porn, our weight fluctuates, um,
and we don’t read but we think we’re right
all the time. So… I feel… (cheers and applause) All right. -And you’re both black.
-Yes. Yeah. I mean, I feel it’s bad that
he got addicted at five, but it’s lucky
he got to watch real porn. I had to watch Real Sex
when I was a kid, you know? Just erotic poetry nights
and glass dildos. -And he got…
-Oh, on HBO? -Yeah.
-Oh, that show. I thought you meant
real sex. -No, no, no, no. Oh.
-Your parents. -He’s got a new album
coming out? -Oh, man. It’s a, it’s a gospel,
it’s a Jesus album. Actually, he-he put out some of the greatest
hip-hop records ever. And now he’s put out
the greatest comedy record. -Jesus is King.
-SPADE: Yeah. What’s good, though,
is when he’s on the road he can still see his wife
every day, so that’s good. She’s on Pornhub, hello?
Okay. I… We’re not gonna walk you
through all of them. Come on. Well, um, I think the album
was delayed, wasn’t it? And, uh, we probably know why. (laughter) -He was working on that ABC.
-We know why. -SPADE: Oh, porn?
-His addiction. I got into porn a little late
in the game. I was 12. I thought that was a
normal time to get into Playboy. Uh, if the going rate is five, like I didn’t know… I didn’t even know
what was going on then. I got into Playboy
and then I… that’s when it was tamer. It’s a little rough around
the edges these days. Let’s look at a clip. Um, no, honestly… I wish we had a clip. In adorable news–
we’re moving on– scientists at
the University of Richmond are teaching rats how to drive
in exchange for Froot Loops. It’s funny.
I like it. ♪ ♪ That’s like watching you park. (laughter) (applause) Have you ever road with him? Spade at the Comedy Store
parking lot. (laughs) Yeah. I’m against animal experiments but if it’s that cute,
I’m for it. -SPADE: Yeah.
-Do it. Do it. NEALON:
I’m actually against it, too. I think they should do these
tests on Uber drivers. Just saying. The whole reason
I learned to drive was so I could go to
a drug dealer’s house. -SPADE: Yeah.
-I get it. If they offered them a better
reward than Froot Loops maybe they’d be a better driver. How about a little cash?
A little cash. I mean, people with cancer
are watching this going, “So wait a second,
let me get this straight. “This is where
the money’s going? So rats can parallel park?” But after the news about rats,
uh, learning how to drive, a morbidly obese
viral sensation, Cinderblock the Cat–
You know Cinderblock– finally found the inspiration
to get on a treadmill. MAN:
That’s good work. (meows) Yeah, that’s me giving
my girlfriend a massage.

100 Replies to “The New Alphabet Song & Kanye’s Porn Addiction (feat. Kevin Nealon) – Lights Out with David Spade”

  • A n g e l o says:

    Oh look another unfunny female talking about sex

  • A n g e l o says:

    Kevin for the win

  • Susan Hughan says:

    I can’t miss Dave ♠️ I love his show, it’s long overdue ? I can never get enough of this man!!! ❤️

  • utopian3d says:

    I was waiting for a Toonces joke.

  • steve conn says:

    Can you guys get Attell again? Too many open-mikers on their night off.

  • Kurt Peterson says:

    Love Spade

  • Cameron Radaszewski says:

    I see Kevin Nealon and I click!

  • Carlos Flores says:

    She's shaved cookie monster

  • Holy Worm says:

    Someone just got fired.

  • that44rdv4rk says:

    elemenopie

  • Jeff Dowder says:

    What's the deal with guys who sit with their knees together?

  • rsmelser says:

    Kayne's Porn addiction.. (feat. Kevin Nealon)

  • # Gemini2 says:

    Let's go to a Clip … lol.. i wish we had a clip Dave this is not TMZ…

  • David David says:

    NO! FUCK LIZA TREYGER! I WILL NOT TOLERATE HER! DO NOT HAVE HER ON AGAIN OR ELSE!
    I WILL NEVER WATCH OR SUPPORT ANYTHING ELSE YOU DO
    FUCK LIZA TREYGER!

  • maureen molitor a.k.a. mo says:

    He's still got it! And, I'm guessing he always will.

  • A Simpson says:

    Poor Kanye. Graduation is, in my opinion, the best hip-hop album. I guess the money changed him, this is who he is now that he sold his street-ness.

  • 20 years ago says:

    Nealons on a other level of zen comedy but hes been around long enough for them to be kissing his rings

  • yilo 0 says:

    Yeah fuck this bitch! Hear what she said about Bernie on msnbc?

  • Battle Rap Resume says:

    CANDLES LIT

  • jeff jones says:

    Addicted to porn at FIVE YEARS OLD….SHUT THE FUCK UP, KANYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Space Monkey says:

    The a.b.c. song is twinkle twinkle little star in disguise.

  • Michael Mattice says:

    One man's "addicted" to porn is another man's "watches religiously".

  • Dee Cohen says:

    EEELLLEEEMMMEEENNNOOOPEEEEE 4eva!!!!

  • Dee Cohen says:

    #teamelemenopeeeees

  • NefariousPorpoise says:

    Dave still making the Free Bird joke, 30 years later. Updated, of course.

  • NefariousPorpoise says:

    Female comedy is dead. Super, duper dead.

  • Custos says:

    Oh, you haven't heard the LGBTs? It's simple, it goes: L G B T I P 2 S Q Q A P K A T H I S I S F U C K I N G R I D I C U L O U S

  • Marvin B says:

    The lady in the pink is horrible.

  • TXMEDRGR says:

    Kevin's hiking show is good, I recommend it.

  • falconater68 says:

    Well, the general public sucks. That's why radio is garbage. Most of the time it's the unpopular songs that are better.

  • Lee Dragon says:

    Leave Kayne alone…?

  • Joel says:

    Kevin Nealon needs to be on all the time.

  • lelolahi says:

    This group is funny

  • Joseph van Wyk says:

    Shame, and hollyweed-rejects, make fun of him for practicing his religion. If it bothers you so much, maybe just maybe, investigate why it's a big deal.

  • Sonja Dawn says:

    Kanye secretly thinks he is king bwahahahahaha

  • Vipul Doshi says:

    abc song change is absurd and atrocious. kanye who is now extra with all this jesus stuff is all good with being extra with porn

  • Bob Johnson says:

    They need to add in th Gh ch sh xcetera

  • Joseph Tynan says:

    Piss track, or wank track, y'know, when you've only got a few minutes spare

  • Vamanos Ninja says:

    That girl looks cool.

  • Vamanos Ninja says:

    The LGBTQ song would be helpful :p

  • MorbidManMusic says:

    Damn, now America's rhyme scheme is ruined too….

  • Brandon Pines says:

    Liza Treyger is great!

  • A n g e l o says:

    You guys are inserting laugh tracks where they don’t need to be.

  • Theron Hayden says:

    "PISS TRACKS" ???

  • Johnny Ryall says:

    Damn, Dean looks great.

  • Dont Matter says:

    Old Rory is really cynical

  • bynahelemaal says:

    Elemenopee

  • Bruce Whitaker says:

    Jesus fuck this version of the abc song has me seriously considering voting for Trump in 2020.

  • Lee Lee says:

    Teaching rats to parallel park. ?

  • LyndaGFavorites says:

    That ABC song sux donkey ballz. Seriously awful. Completely dreadful. ?

  • Julie Vazquez says:

    Horrible ABC song. Sounds like they messed their song…like ABC on alcohol

  • buck stops here says:

    Is that a laugh track? … quiet to let them talk then all big laughs

  • Recusant BilE says:

    DAVIDFUCKINSPADERULEZ!!!

  • Jon Dunmore says:

    2:38 — Easy to guess why she's addicted to porn. Because:
    a) she's a man in a dress
    b) she's a fat chick who doesn't get any
    c) she's a man in a dress who doesn't get any

  • Kyle sa says:

    This girl is freaking hilarious

  • Dan Bee says:

    I thought that was Chuck Liddel on

  • nordfresse says:

    Does anyone else see a cat in a watertank rather than on a tredmill? Is this one of these dress white/gold or blue/black memes?

  • Etta James says:

    this show is still going? i love kevin nealon though. nealon should have a show so he doesn't have to keep hiking.

  • Holly Stiener says:

    The girl was really funny!

  • maynunal says:

    more Kevin Nealon, please!!:-) ♥

  • MrsPg says:

    nope… elemenopee, that other song is like if a dog was meowing, just wrong & out of place on so many levels ???

  • Sea Kelp says:

    Does this mean pizza rat will start delivering?

  • Ricky Spanish says:

    The fat Jew lady is upset about a Jesus album.. Guess what I think your story about God telling Moses to kill everyone in tiny Canaan 3000+ years ago in a dream according to him, is not a good reason to murder for land in 2019.

  • Sean Wilks says:

    I wish Kanye would swim into a boat propeller.

  • Dan Collins says:

    Porn addiction is only a problem if you run out. Oh yeah we are never going to run out of porn.

  • Mike Barrett says:

    I would appreciate it if you could include the names of the people on the Panel in the description

  • Justin Zhao says:

    I do believe this is the British 'ABC' version.

  • Charles Harding says:

    Jesus IS King

  • Mike 2234 says:

    Kevin "you got a minute" Nealon ?

  • enlightenedapple says:

    What’s the thing in pink? Unsubscribes jk I was never subbed.

  • google Google says:

    When he said jesus is king he knew deep down he was and regret that he made it into a joke just shows how powerful jesus is

  • James Holbrook says:

    Since he was 5

  • harvey weinstein says:

    I heard a youtuber and former porn actress give a good explanation for why porn becomes ever more deviant. She said that will all the free porn avialable, the vast majority of people are fine with that. The industry must cater to the the fucked up people who still willing to give their creidit card #. These are the people who want the disgusting stuff.

  • Stephen Seehorn says:

    "piss tracks" was hilarious, never thought of it that way but it's totally true, haha.

  • Ed Hernandez says:

    The lgbt joke was good bad delivery

  • Richard Miller says:

    New alphabet to squeeze in 'inclusivity '….. the guy on the right gets a good bitch slap for full on dissing Christians.

  • peace and love says:

    A child that watchs porn is unconsciously traumatized, whomever gave that child that video, pucture, magazine commited sexual abuse. Nothing to laugh about.

  • b3makinn says:

    Girls no funny

  • anupam chatterjee says:

    Is it just me or the song took one second pause at "n"?

  • EmperorNicholasNicholaiNiccolo JamestheGreatnesses says:

    To: my petty pettier pettiest pettily pettiness pettinesses girlfriend PRincess DAvida DAphne Specialness

    1
    Mustard Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc
    Evening Dresses w/ ruffles, frills, gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’
    princess seams 5 Champagne Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette
    Inspired 12pc Evening Dresses w/ ruffles, frills, gathers, bows,
    bells, charms, n’ princess seams 10 Rust Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace
    Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc Evening Dresses w/ ruffles, frills,
    gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’ princess seams 20 Copper Misses
    Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc Evening Dresses w/
    ruffles, frills, gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’ princess seams 50
    Mocha Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc
    Evening Dresses w/ ruffles, frills, gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’
    princess seams 100 Wine Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette
    Inspired 12pc Evening Dresses w/ ruffles, frills, gathers, bows,
    bells, charms, n’ princess seams 200 Burgundy Misses Sizes: XXXXXS
    Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc Evening Dresses w/ ruffles,
    frills, gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’ princess seams 300 Burnt
    Orange Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc
    Evening Dresses w/ ruffles, frills, gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’
    princess seams 400 Gold Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette
    Inspired 12pc Evening Dresses w/ ruffles, frills, gathers, bows,
    bells, charms, n’ princess seams 500 Olive Misses Sizes: XXXXXS
    Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc Evening Dresses w/ ruffles,
    frills, gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’ princess seams 600 Plum
    Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc Evening
    Dresses w/ ruffles, frills, gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’
    princess seams 700 Brown Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette
    Inspired 12pc Evening Dresses w/ ruffles, frills, gathers, bows,
    bells, charms, n’ princess seams 800 Mist Gold Misses Sizes: XXXXXS
    Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc Evening Dresses w/ ruffles,
    frills, gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’ princess seams 900 Dark
    Gold Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc Evening
    Dresses w/ ruffles, frills, gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’
    princess seams 910 Antique Gold Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie
    Antoinette Inspired 12pc Evening Dresses w/ ruffles, frills, gathers,
    bows, bells, charms, n’ princess seams 920 Dark Sand Misses Sizes:
    XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc Evening Dresses w/
    ruffles, frills, gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’ princess seams
    930 Oveltine Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc
    Evening Dresses w/ ruffles, frills, gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’
    princess seams 940 Dark Olive Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie
    Antoinette Inspired 12pc Evening Dresses w/ ruffles, frills, gathers,
    bows, bells, charms, n’ princess seams 950 Pistachio Misses Sizes:
    XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc Evening Dresses w/
    ruffles, frills, gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’ princess seams
    1,000 Mustard Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired
    12pc Evening Dresses w/ ruffles, frills, gathers, bows, bells,
    charms, n’ princess seams 5,000 Champagne Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace
    Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc Evening Dresses w/ ruffles, frills,
    gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’ princess seams 10,000 Rust Misses
    Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc Evening Dresses w/
    ruffles, frills, gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’ princess seams
    20,000 Copper Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired
    12pc Evening Dresses w/ ruffles, frills, gathers, bows, bells,
    charms, n’ princess seams 50,000 Mocha Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace
    Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc Evening Dresses w/ ruffles, frills,
    gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’ princess seams 100,000 Wine Misses
    Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc Evening Dresses w/
    ruffles, frills, gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’ princess seams
    200,000 Burgundy Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired
    12pc Evening Dresses w/ ruffles, frills, gathers, bows, bells,
    charms, n’ princess seams 300,000 Burnt Orange Misses Sizes: XXXXXS
    Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc Evening Dresses w/ ruffles,
    frills, gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’ princess seams 400,000
    Gold Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc Evening
    Dresses w/ ruffles, frills, gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’
    princess seams 500,000 Olive Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie
    Antoinette Inspired 12pc Evening Dresses w/ ruffles, frills, gathers,
    bows, bells, charms, n’ princess seams 600,000 Plum Misses Sizes:
    XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc Evening Dresses w/
    ruffles, frills, gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’ princess seams
    700,000 Brown Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired
    12pc Evening Dresses w/ ruffles, frills, gathers, bows, bells,
    charms, n’ princess seams 800,000 Mist Gold Misses Sizes: XXXXXS
    Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc Evening Dresses w/ ruffles,
    frills, gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’ princess seams 900,000
    Dark Gold Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc
    Evening Dresses w/ ruffles, frills, gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’
    princess seams 910,000 Antique Gold Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie
    Antoinette Inspired 12pc Evening Dresses w/ ruffles, frills, gathers,
    bows, bells, charms, n’ princess seams 920,000 Dark Sand Misses
    Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc Evening Dresses w/
    ruffles, frills, gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’ princess seams
    930,000 Oveltine Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired
    12pc Evening Dresses w/ ruffles, frills, gathers, bows, bells,
    charms, n’ princess seams 940,000 Dark Olive Misses Sizes: XXXXXS
    Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc Evening Dresses w/ ruffles,
    frills, gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’ princess seams 950,000
    Pistachio Misses Sizes: XXXXXS Lace Marie Antoinette Inspired 12pc
    Evening Dresses w/ ruffles, frills, gathers, bows, bells, charms, n’
    princess seams

  • brooklyn says:

    the “piss tracks” you is hilare

  • brooklyn says:

    let’s look at a clip 🙂

  • A New America says:

    You guys think he Bates to rayjay pissing on his now wife Kiki?

  • Angel Verastigue says:

    Terrible

  • Henry Ortiz says:

    Jesus is King, and atheist better figure out what they're going to do when they find out their wrong.

  • Angel678 says:

    U respect people enough to learn what county they are from, u learn their age and ethnicity… those things are normal and ok, as soon as u ask them to say how u identify sexually or gender it’s like… NO how dare u bother me with that nonsense ??!!

  • Mouse Shadow says:

    Christianophobes

  • Rene Ehause says:

    Jesus is king. God bless.

  • Chad Vitale says:

    Can women EVER get through a Minute without talking about shoving something in their Snatch. Geeeeeeze, it's like a TIC every female comic just Can't kick.

  • Hawa Macalou says:

    Jesus is King is a comedy album cuz … Christians are dumb. Laziest joke ever.

  • Lesley Debelloy says:

    Piss tracks ?

  • montrizzle77 says:

    You need to identify the other comedians.

  • Boss Hog says:

    “Fluctuates” between heavy and heavier

  • League of Lenerd says:

    look…if you don't believe in a religion and you find them silly then sure…whatever right. but don't go and shit on peoples beliefs because they aren't your own…really not cool. honestly ruined this whole clip for me.

  • alex schroeder says:

    5 ? wtf? thats not true at all.

  • M M says:

    Kind of surprising that comedy Central won't tag the other artists or comics. seems like they're not really there for comedians getting on

  • Doginu says:

    They need reverse version for the DUI test…

  • Doginu says:

    Someone tell her you can't wear pink after leaving the house

  • Adam W says:

    "We dont read and we think were right all the time!". Nice to promote! All the LA dumb lefties clapping! Society were in trouble!

  • Adam W says:

    I like Spade and Kevin Nealon, comedy legends but most of his guests, these up and coming comedians are mostly millenial lefty idiots who revel in stupidity! Nothing beats the comedians I came up with!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

© Copyright 2019. Amrab Angladeshi. Designed by Space-Themes.com.