November 18, 2019 100

“Overbooking Business Class” – Trevor Noah – (Crazy Normal)

“Overbooking Business Class” – Trevor Noah – (Crazy Normal)

We’ve been traveling all around the country
it’s been so much fun you know out in places like P.E and Cape Town and East London recently went to Durban which was a bit of a shlep for us it was really hard because
it was raining so much and then on top of the flight
delays that you have to contest with there’s also like overbooking,
which is a problem I don’t know if you know what over booking is but basically it’s a legal process where it’s a practice rather where airlines book more tickets
than there are seats on the plane so they book more,
sort of like a Taxi but then they don’t let you
get on when you get there so they just hope you don’t pitch up like please, please, please, please agh, his here. you know, that’s what they do and so we are flying down to Durban,
and it was the funniest thing ever we are standing in the queue,
everyone is all fidgety in the line looking at their watches,
and they call us forward hey are like next, next please, next! so we go to the counter and
there’s one of those woman there with her glasses and relaxed hair going *typing* and she’s like, “can I have ID’s please?” and you’re like ID’s,
everyone puts them down *Typing*
“Where you flying?” and we are like, Durban please. She’s like, “Durban”
*Typing* “Durban?” Yes. *Typing* “are you flying now?” No, tomorrow. This is a practice run. are you flying? We are like yes, we need to fly now “Okay” *Typing* and then she starts typing frantically *Typing Frantically* Which I never understand,
because when I book my tickets all I need to do is click.
It’s click, click, click, click Johan, okay that one.
Click. Ah, Durb. Ah, that one, click. and then it does it all. She’s there
*Typing Frantically* I bet she wasn’t even busy doing our
tickets anymore, she’s just like there clicking, she’s probably on
like Facebook or something updating her status. “Yo, another one, another one is here I’m dead, dead, dead dead, another one’s here,
dead, dead Yo, overbooking, dead Oh, poke back. Dead, dead, dead, yo dead,
death by overbooking, yo because of their fop-ha the airline was as kind as to upgrade us
on the next flight to business class They say,
we are sorry about what happened here you go, business class.
I love business class, you know you get to go to a special lounge
where everyone’s very “businessy” No, it is because when you’re
in business class you hear you overhear conversations and they
sound totally different, you know you overhear people saying things like “Yes, well the mergers are coming along I mean if you look at
the companies that are” you know, people walking around there “Well, I mean if the numbers are right we’ll
definitely get that stock portfolio going” just people walking there you know, like No, I’m taking care of the situation
to make sure the Shareholders are happy and then we’ll present to management and
it’s gonna be a installment of what we You know you just hear like
businessy kind of stuff where as when you are in economy,
it’s just a huge group of people you generally overhear conversations
like, “I thought you put it in the bag! you said you put it in the bag! it was on the, I asked you to
put, why is it not in the bag!” oh, wow and so we are going through the airport and then we go through security,
and I love security in South Africa it’s the most chilled out security
you will find anywhere in the world it is, like South African
security is just like, you know we work on a honesty system
in this country, you know the security guard,
he is there to enforce but it’s more an honesty,
look this is up to you this is the honesty place, this
is where we all admit to our sins come forward, do you have anything to declare?
it’s that type of place overseas when you come through
customs, it’s the craziest thing ever you’ve got to take of everything,
you got to take of your shoes and you take off your belt, you know you cant wear a jacket
or a hoody or a cap or anything you’ve got to take off your
rings, nothing, nothing or even coins in your pocket,
even if you got a big filling then you’re in trouble, you know then you’re like, but it’s my teeth and they are like, you’re gonna have to do something you know, and then some
people are like, “excuse me” ha, ha, ha, ha ah where as in South Africa I sometimes
feel like these security guards don’t actually know what
their equipment does you know,
they are very chilled out about it because you’ll walk through an airport security and get there and
the guy will be like “go to number 4,
number 4” and you go through
and you stand there and the guy will be waiting, he’ll
give you that bucket and be like “Hey, what’s in the bag?” Like what do you mean? he’s like, “Laptop?” Yes. “Out, out, take it
out, laptop out, out please put it by it’s self, put there yeah.
Any other laptop?” You’re like, no “Laptop out!” you’re like okay, okay what did you do? okay, there it is “okay” and my gun? “no, it’s fine. Just the laptop” “Watching you” it’s so much fun when you walk through
the metal detectors which I swear either don’t work or these people really
don’t understand them at all you walk through metal detectors and it’s not just at airports, no
matter where they are in this country you walk through a metal detector casino, a school, Government institution and you will walk in there
and it will make that sound but then I don’t know if
they know what that means because you walk through and it will be like
*Metal detector beeping* and you see how security guards smile because they get ready,
they are going to use the wand they love the wand you can see they wait the whole day. “Yes, my time has arrived Excalibur, I call apon you” it’s like what the hell is going on? “Yeah, just stand there,
yeah” He pulls out his wand, those
black ones, he just pulls it out *Light Sabre sound* Okay it’s not, I’m sorry it doesn’t really do that,
it would be cool if it did though *Light Sabre sound* although it would be
weird, it would be weird you know, for some guy from the
township to have a light Sabre *Light Sabre sound* wouldn’t work at all though, it wouldn’t it wouldn’t, it would be like
Darthvader would be like “Bravida” *Light sabre sound* “Ah, bravida ______” *Lightsabre sound* it would have been the worst Star wars ever
if it where in South Africa wouldn’t it *Lightsabre sound* like the critical point,
the moment that made the movie would never happen if it was
in a township in South Africa because which guy from the township would
claim a child after that many years The guy would be like
*Lightsabre sound* *Heavy breathing*
“Luke” “Yes, what is it?” “No, look there. It’s your father.” *Lightsabre sound* *Laughter* *Lightsabre sound* but it wasn’t, sorry. I digress. the wand, the wand, the wand comes, I’m sorry he comes out with the wand and they always do that
thing, they go around and we don’t know what it’s
supposed to do or not, you know *Beeping* *Beeping* *Beeping* “any weapons?” then what was that for? even if I have something,
I’m not gonna tell you now obviously you have been defeated. “Any weapons?”
No. “Okay” and that’s it we like work on a honesty
system in this country everywhere you go like I would like to meet the
genius who invented the honesty book Ah yes, the honesty book yes, the book of truth. No one can
lie when they write in this book whenever you visit someone at a townhouse or an office complex,
we have the book of truth fill in the book before you enter Name, ah yes surname, hm phone number and adress Reason for visit, Pvt. We’ll just do that,
look at everybody else Pvt, Pvt, Pvt, Pvt, Pvt Pvt. and once I asked the security
guard, what is the point of this? why am I filling in this book? He’s like, “No, it’s for security reasons” I said I figured that
much, but what is it about? He’s like, “it’s so that if you
can do anything bad inside there if maybe you can
steal or kill someone then we can find you.” Ah, of course because I wrote my
real name and surname the honest killer strikes again! it’s just ridiculous I was like okay, I kill someone
and what are you gonna do? He’s like, “then you see there, we can
phone you and tell you to come back” “Yeah” “Same time”

100 Replies to ““Overbooking Business Class” – Trevor Noah – (Crazy Normal)”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recent Posts
Recent Comments
© Copyright 2019. Amrab Angladeshi. Designed by