December 14, 2019 0

Batman Drives Uber 3: Bad Date

Batman Drives Uber 3: Bad Date

♪♪ This suit is starting to
chafe. [epic music] Evening, miss. Care for an ice-cold
bottle of– [gasps] Cindy!I’m sorry,
have we
met before? Uh, yeah! Last night on our date–
day– day– déjà vu! That’s what this is. We’ve never met. [chuckles] That’s okay, that happens
to me all the time. But, you know, for
curiosity’s sake, did you do anything
speciallast night?No. Really? So, no one spent an insane
amount of money on– Oh, yeah. I totally forgot! Last night was amazing. Oh, good. I’m glad you enjoyed it. I found this great
new show on Netflix. What? Wait, I also
did laundry. Sweet Lucius. So, you’re telling me that a
pretty girl like yourself spent
the entire evening alone. Well, I guess I did
go on a date. There. And?!? Not really my type. Really? Was he too handsome? Too wealthy?Too–No, he had stank breath. Well, I’m sure that is a very
embarrassing medical condition that he’s literally spent
billions trying to overcome.Yeah, it was likeif a diaper
and a rotted beached whale got sprayed by a skunk.Really?That is a very specific
and hurtful description, but I guess everyone has
to have at least one flaw. Oh, that was just the
first thing I noticed. He also had, like,
little doll hands.Well,I’m sure he typically
wears precision gloves that cover his hands and
protect his self-esteem! He also kept going on and on
about this ex-girlfriend, I think her name was,
like, Rachelle– [yelling]
Rachel! [speaking]
I mean, was her name– [yelling]
Rachel! Rachel! Yeah, that was it. Poor guy must have screamed that
out like half a dozen times. Was there anything else
that bothered you? Well, he has, like,
a choir boy voice. Well, did you ever consider that perhaps he has to
talk like a 90-year old coal-mining chain-smoker
half the time, so when he does finally
get the chance to rest the vocal pipes, he
likes to take full advantage. Um, but it wasn’t
just his voice, he was also
very hips-y, like, he could seriously be a leg
model for Dove moisturizer. Okay, that’s it! [brakes screech] You know what? Perhaps you shouldn’t
judge so hastily. This date could
have an alter ego. He could be a hero,
nay, a superhero. There’s no way. Yes, there is way! I’m Batman! Yeah, I already know that! Thanks for the ride. No, I mean,
Bruce Wayne is Batman! I’m Batman! He’s Batman! We’re Batman! Dang it! Ugh! Alfred? Did you hear all that? The nerve of that woman.I’m sorry Master Bruce,
but it’s just me.
You should rest your voice.Oh, right. Thank you. [clears throat] [southern belle accent]
I mean, she just makes me so darned upset, all those
hurtful things she said. [sighs] That woman’s
gonna learn today! She’s gonna learn today! Mallory: [repeating rapidly]
Like, comment, share! Lichomecher! Which is German
for the autumn breeze. And you
should subscribe, too.

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