October 15, 2019 100

“Arabs” | Russell Peters – Red, White, and Brown

“Arabs” | Russell Peters – Red, White, and Brown

>>Russell Peters: Any Arabs in the house tonight? Arabs in the house? [Audience cheers] Alright, thank you, goodnight! [Laughter] [Russell chuckles] What kind of Arab are you? [Audience members shouting] Oh good, you’re united, good. [Laughter] [Russell mimicking audience members, in Gibberish] That’s all I heard. I don’t know if you answered me in Arabic, or if you said the country, just now! [Gibberish] [Laughter] One at a time there, fellas. What are you?>>Audience member: Libya!>>Russell: Libya!>>Audience member #2: Lebanon!>>Russell: Libya, Lebanon – Any other “L” countries? [Audience members shouting] Oh good, yeah. [Laughter] Well, just for the record, you’re a “stone’s throw” away from each other. Listen, I uhm– [Laughter] [Laughter and Applause] Just for the record, my Arab friends, I don’t do any Arab jokes in my act. It’s not that I don’t think you’re funny, it’s just, you know, i don’t know, I don’t wanna– I don’t know, I don’t wanna die? [Laughter and Clapping] See, ’cause I’ll do a joke about an Arab, and they’ll look like they’re laughing– [Laughter] but it’s not the same laugh you’re doing! [Laughter] Like, I’ll do a joke about an Arab, you guy’s will go, [Flamboyantly laughing] and you look at the Arab guy, he’s like, [Unamused, fake laugh] [Laughter] [Laughter and Clapping] [Arabic accent] “Oh, no, I get this. Funny joke. ha ha ha ha!” [Mimicking Arabic] [Arabic accent] “It’s funny, I get it!” [Laughter and Clapping] [Laughter continues] [Arabic accent] “Don’t worry, I will talk to him after.” [Laughter] Doesn’t it feel like, every time you turn on the news, nowadays, some new country is fucking with an Arab country? Every time you turn on the news. I, kind of, blame the media, for what’s going on– wrong in the world right now, ’cause they, kind of, just perpetuate stereotypes about people. They don’t tell you that’s what they’re doing. They don’t go, “Hey, this is what you need to think.” but they know how people’s brains work. But they do, they enforce all this shit, you know? What they do is, they’ll show you an image of somebody, of a different racial background, and then they’ll show you an alternate image, like right away, of something completely different. They don’t say the two images are together. They kind of present it like, [Convincing tone] “Whaddya think?” [Laughter] Like, what they do is, they’ll show you, like, an Asian guy- and then a car accident. [Laughter] They’ll show you an Indian guy, and a 7-Eleven. [Laughter] [Convincing voice] “Whaddya think?’ They’ll show you an Arab guy, and an explosion. “I knew it!” You know– [Laughter] But that’s what they do! They convince us that things, aren’t what we think, you know? and all they do, is keep showing you different– Arabs in the world, and all they show you, is like, all this violence. They never show you like normal Arab people, just doing regular Arab things, like, the same shit we do. Go to work, have some coffee, go see your family– because those guys are boring! You don’t want to see them. You wanna see the crazies! Every time you turn on the news, some new country, is starting some war, with another Arab country. Everybody’s fighting the Arabs, and nobody’s beating them. You know what that means? Stop fucking with the Arabs! [Laughter] Here’s why nobody’s beating them – because you can’t intimidate them. If you can’t intimidate somebody, even a little bit, you can’t beat them. Like, right before the U.S. went to war with Iraq, they warned Iraq. [Southern accent] “We’re going to come there, and we’re going to attack you.” [Laughter] [Laughter and Clapping] and Iraq went, [Arabic accent] “Okay.” [Laughter] even the US was like, [Monotonous voice] “I don’t think he understood.” [Laughter] “I’m gonna try it again.” [Southern accent] “We’re gonna come to your country, [Laughter] “and attack you.” [Laughter] [Arabic accent] “No problem, no problem.” [Laughter and Clapping] [Arabic accent] “Is okay, he want’s to come, let him come.” “Yalla! Come, yalla! Come on let’s go.” [Laughter] The U.S. was like, [Monotonous voice] “I think we gotta break it down, for this guy.” [Laughter] [Souther accent] “We are going to come to YOUR country,” and KILL you!” [Joyful Arabic accent] “Oh yeah?! You kill me?” [Angry Arabic accent] “Hey, FUCK YOU! [Laughter and Clapping] [Angry Arabic accent] “I kill me!” [Laughter and Clapping] “And you!” [Applause] [In Arabic] “Sharmuta!” You can’t beat people, with those kinds of odds! That’s like getting into a fight with someone, like, “Yo, I’m gonna kick the shit outta you!” And they’re like, “Fuck you, I’ll kick the shit out of myself!” [Laughter] Now what do you do? You just stand around and wait! [Laughter] [Guy #1] “You done yet?!” [Guy #2] “NO!” [Laughter] [Guy #2] “I still got some ass left!” [Laughter] ♪ ♪

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