December 12, 2019 0

A Cursive Comeback in New Jersey & Art Basel’s Pricey Banana Exhibit | The Daily Show


Elementary school– it’s
that special time in your life when you find out
if you’re a bully or if you can fit into a locker. But now the state
of New Jersey is worried that schools have stopped
teaching the important stuff. NEWSWOMAN:
Learning cursive… may soon be making a return
to schools in New Jersey. Yeah, a state lawmaker
has introduced a bill requiring elementary school students
to learn to read and write in script
by the end of the third grade. Many schools stopped
mandating cursive in 2019. If passed,
cursive would be required by the next full school year. Okay, I’m sorry, what?
Lawmakers in New Jersey are pushing for schools
to start teaching cursive again? While they’re at it, why not
teach the kids to drive wagons and churn their own butter
for lunch? Just have kids in the cafeteria
like, “Hark, I am famished “from a day’s journey
hunting the Pokémon. Hath thou a Tide pod
for my repast?” Guys, it’s 2019.
We don’t need cursive anymore. Okay? And, like,
we should be able to admit that it’s always looked
pretty stupid. Like, try and write
a capital “G.” It just looks like
a drunk-ass music note. -(laughter)
-It’s like, “What are you?” (descending pitch):
“Eh-eh.” And the arguments for the law
honestly don’t make any sense. Right? Like,
one New Jersey lawmaker says, “Kids need to learn cursive, because that’s how they wrote
the Constitution.” What does that mean?
What does that mean? Like, you don’t need
to learn cursive to read the Constitution. Also, not everyone needs
to read the Constitution. All right? They might have
a job where it’s not important. Like accountant, or president
of the United States. -(laughter)
-(air horn blowing) (cheering, applause) Here’s the thing, man–
this happens every generation. Right? This always happens. Young people adapt
to new technology, and then old people
want everyone to learn how they learned. I wouldn’t be shocked
if in 50 years we’ll be complaining
about our grandkids like, “I hate how kids don’t text
with their thumbs anymore! “Phones just scan
your texts now. “In my day, from your brain,
you couldn’t do that. “You had to look down
at your phone like a real person “and walk into things
head first! That’s how we kept
our brains hard!” All right, but let’s move on
to the world of art. People are always searching
for new ways to express the human condition, and also to find cool ways
to take people’s money. And this next exhibit
from Art Basel in Miami may be the greatest scam
of all time. Two inexpensive, everyday items -are now passing
for pricey works of art. -Hmm. A banana duct-taped to a wall
is now selling for $150,000 at a Miami art festival. The piece is titled Comedian. Two earlier editions
have already sold for $120,000 each. (laughter) (laughter) I honestly don’t know
what to think about this, because… on the one hand, I guess
this banana is a comment on how all art is temporary and eventually everything
withers and dies, but… on the other hand, -it’s a (bleep) banana taped
to the wall. -(laughter) Because honestly, I don’t know
about a banana as art. All I know is I want art
with a long shelf life. Could you imagine if you bought
Michelangelo’s David, and the next day
it turns all brown and mushy? (laughter) What’s also crazy
is that the artist sold three of those bananas for over
a hundred thousand dollars each. You know the person
I feel really bad for? Is the guy at the grocery store
selling him those bananas. Yeah. Because think about it,
the first time the artist comes in, he buys it, like,
“Yeah, 50 cents.” The second time he comes in,
50 cents. Then the guy at the grocery
store sees it on Twitter, and he’s like, “Wait, what?!” Next time the artist comes in,
he’s like, “Can I get another banana?”
He says, “Yeah, $20,000. I’m an artist, too.”

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